Wednesday, September 19, 2018
Sunday, September 2, 2018
Life is so busy
I keep telling myself that I'm GOING to write a blog post. Pretty much every time I think that, I don't. My life is the most chaotic it has been in a long time. I'm as busy as can be, and I hardly get sleep. But such is life, and I'm sure that it will die down here soon... eventually... maybe.
I took a leap of faith almost 3 years ago. My husband was depressed, struggling, and our marriage was suffering. He was the main bread winner. Financially we were set. Didn't have a care in the world because the bills got paid, we had money for dates, but unfortunately rarely went on them.
One day Adam came home, we got into a fight. I told him we would talk in the morning when everything calmed down. I thought it all over, and in the morning, I told him to quit his job. Our financial security got tossed to the wayside because my marriage is most important to me.
So here we are, no money in savings. I didn't even make enough to cover our bills. Yet I took that plunge. About a week after his last day, I had an interview for an actual CNA job. That's when my faith in God paid off. I wasn't even home from the interview when they were calling me and offering me a job. The greatest part is it was just enough to live off of. I could cover the bills, and feed our family. Thank you Jesus!
Little did I know, this would still be the beginning of our struggles. My husband suffers from what we NOW know is Generalized Anxiety Disorder. We originally thought it was PTSD from being in the military, but after SEVERAL VA appointments we got a better diagnosis.
He has had problems since we were dating, and I knew it. Just a month after we officially met, he "disappeared" which raised a lot of questions for me. That's when the PTSD, anxiety, depression stuff started to come out. I still love him, with all his flaws. I decided to stick with him anyways. Our relationship continued to be rocky the entire time we were dating. It wasn't till we were living together that it smoothed out.
Living with this has been hard. It runs our lives. It's no longer "I have to go to the store" Its now "Will he be OK alone?" or "How will this event trigger him?" He refused to get help for the longest time. Until May 2017 when I finally had enough. I hit my breaking point. I started packing his stuff up, and while I was at a meeting at work, he came and got the rest of his stuff. I told him that he couldn't come back till he agreed to get help. That lasted 3 days. But he didn't get help right away.
It wasn't till a month later that he went to his first VA appointment and took the steps to get better. I kind of expected it to take a while since it is the VA after all. I've dealt with them enough times to know better than expect it to go fast. Which I hate. I like to be in control and I hate the unknown. God has really been testing me through all of this.
By the beginning of July 2017, Adam had not only quit his job he was also dropping out of school. We were back to barely scraping by. During a med check up (long overdue and required constant nagging from me to go back) he broke down and told a psych tech that if it weren't for me, he would have tried to kill himself again. My heart sank. I was really hoping he was going to get better.
They set him up with a few new faces. A therapist that I absolutely loathed. And a Psychiatrist for better meds. The only good thing that came from that stupid therapist's appointments was she encouraged him to apply for his disability to be re-evaluated. He was only rated at 10% which isn't much for someone who doesn't shower most days unless reminded.
It's been a whirlwind, but the increase was approved. He's now at 100% and I was able to quit my job. Just in time too. I was just so stressed there. Now I just sell Scentsy and work my business around my schedule. I babysit, and I take Adam to appointments several times a month. Then opportunity knocked on the door.
I'm now starting my third week of school. I always dreamt of what it would be like going back to school. I never really thought I would do it though. But here I am... slaving away. I've learned quite a bit. Like... There is apparently a format for papers called APA.... I don't like it. Journal articles are boring. Learned A LOT about hydrogen bonds. That's actually quite interesting. I'd have to say right now my favorite classes are surprising Biology and my CWID class (it's something that's required by my school)
The professors are really nice. I was actually able to text one of them for a simple question. That's not something you were able to do at BSU. A community college is so SO much nicer than I thought. I'm so happy I decided to do this instead of trying to get back into BSU. It's doing a number on my gas tank since it's a 20 minute drive 3 times a week, but whatever.
One of my best friends is going through the nursing program right now. That's what I plan on doing but I have to get all the requirements just to apply out of the way first. I have everything together to study for my TEAS test. My degree plan is MADE... I'm looking so forward to getting this all done. For now, I'm a book worm. Studying hard and trying my damnedest to get good grades.
I'll try harder to keep this updated. Maybe this will be my mini sanctuary from school.
I took a leap of faith almost 3 years ago. My husband was depressed, struggling, and our marriage was suffering. He was the main bread winner. Financially we were set. Didn't have a care in the world because the bills got paid, we had money for dates, but unfortunately rarely went on them.
One day Adam came home, we got into a fight. I told him we would talk in the morning when everything calmed down. I thought it all over, and in the morning, I told him to quit his job. Our financial security got tossed to the wayside because my marriage is most important to me.
So here we are, no money in savings. I didn't even make enough to cover our bills. Yet I took that plunge. About a week after his last day, I had an interview for an actual CNA job. That's when my faith in God paid off. I wasn't even home from the interview when they were calling me and offering me a job. The greatest part is it was just enough to live off of. I could cover the bills, and feed our family. Thank you Jesus!
Little did I know, this would still be the beginning of our struggles. My husband suffers from what we NOW know is Generalized Anxiety Disorder. We originally thought it was PTSD from being in the military, but after SEVERAL VA appointments we got a better diagnosis.
He has had problems since we were dating, and I knew it. Just a month after we officially met, he "disappeared" which raised a lot of questions for me. That's when the PTSD, anxiety, depression stuff started to come out. I still love him, with all his flaws. I decided to stick with him anyways. Our relationship continued to be rocky the entire time we were dating. It wasn't till we were living together that it smoothed out.
Living with this has been hard. It runs our lives. It's no longer "I have to go to the store" Its now "Will he be OK alone?" or "How will this event trigger him?" He refused to get help for the longest time. Until May 2017 when I finally had enough. I hit my breaking point. I started packing his stuff up, and while I was at a meeting at work, he came and got the rest of his stuff. I told him that he couldn't come back till he agreed to get help. That lasted 3 days. But he didn't get help right away.
It wasn't till a month later that he went to his first VA appointment and took the steps to get better. I kind of expected it to take a while since it is the VA after all. I've dealt with them enough times to know better than expect it to go fast. Which I hate. I like to be in control and I hate the unknown. God has really been testing me through all of this.
By the beginning of July 2017, Adam had not only quit his job he was also dropping out of school. We were back to barely scraping by. During a med check up (long overdue and required constant nagging from me to go back) he broke down and told a psych tech that if it weren't for me, he would have tried to kill himself again. My heart sank. I was really hoping he was going to get better.
They set him up with a few new faces. A therapist that I absolutely loathed. And a Psychiatrist for better meds. The only good thing that came from that stupid therapist's appointments was she encouraged him to apply for his disability to be re-evaluated. He was only rated at 10% which isn't much for someone who doesn't shower most days unless reminded.
It's been a whirlwind, but the increase was approved. He's now at 100% and I was able to quit my job. Just in time too. I was just so stressed there. Now I just sell Scentsy and work my business around my schedule. I babysit, and I take Adam to appointments several times a month. Then opportunity knocked on the door.
I'm now starting my third week of school. I always dreamt of what it would be like going back to school. I never really thought I would do it though. But here I am... slaving away. I've learned quite a bit. Like... There is apparently a format for papers called APA.... I don't like it. Journal articles are boring. Learned A LOT about hydrogen bonds. That's actually quite interesting. I'd have to say right now my favorite classes are surprising Biology and my CWID class (it's something that's required by my school)
The professors are really nice. I was actually able to text one of them for a simple question. That's not something you were able to do at BSU. A community college is so SO much nicer than I thought. I'm so happy I decided to do this instead of trying to get back into BSU. It's doing a number on my gas tank since it's a 20 minute drive 3 times a week, but whatever.
One of my best friends is going through the nursing program right now. That's what I plan on doing but I have to get all the requirements just to apply out of the way first. I have everything together to study for my TEAS test. My degree plan is MADE... I'm looking so forward to getting this all done. For now, I'm a book worm. Studying hard and trying my damnedest to get good grades.
I'll try harder to keep this updated. Maybe this will be my mini sanctuary from school.
Friday, December 16, 2016
Oops 1+ Year Later!
I just realized that I haven't been on here in a long long while. Over one year later here I am lol.
Lets see... what' all has happened.
In August 2015, Little Man got bit by a dog we bought the day after we got him. Poor guy got 11 stitches, but was a trooper and didn't move while they were getting put in. He was in and out of the hospital the next week several time (5 visits all together). Now It's barely noticeable. No he doesn't have a fear of dogs.
I created a monster with him and Lego though. He will NOT stop obsessing about Lego. He's mostly into the Lego men. He loves Star Wars. His birthday this year was all Star Wars. He LOVED it. And it was the first birthday that I did 98% all by myself. I now know why Parent's do store bought cakes. There was SOOO much to do. The cake was no where near what I was wanting.
He's now into Minecraft which I love and hate at the same time. That's all he wants to do. But it gets him to eat his dinner 100%. Which is the important part right?
Also, speaking of store bought cakes. We did one for Baby Girl's birthday this year. I had my MIL help with decorations. My friends helped set up. Planning that one was way easier. I had family and friends helping with set up and everything. SO MUCH BETTER. Just kinda bummed that the cake was store bought. I much rather have homemade.
But both their birthdays were amazing and fun. Their cousins from WA were able to make it to Little Man's and Baby Girl had friends come over with their cousins. It was a lot of fun for them.
My love switched jobs. That was a hard bullet to take but I'm the one who pulled the trigger on that one. He was just so stressed and it was such a heavy burden on both of us. He's re-enrolled in school, and now works security. Although he says he hates his job, I know he feels better being able to work. AND he gets paid weekly which is a HUGE help to us. Even though with the car getting paid off we aren't so financially strapped.
I also started working somewhere else which came with a huge pay increase! by at least 50%! And it was right after he originally stopped working. It was a GODSEND. Things literally just fell into place as we were needing things to. God does provide when we need it the most. I'm loving my job. It's so much less stressful. Aside from a couple coworkers that complain, the staff is amazing. I haven't been able to say I love my job in so long. Usually it's just a honeymoon phase and once everything fades it's like walking into hell from 10pm-6am. But not here. It's THAT amazing.
We got a new dog. He's almost 1. Still a puppy. His name is Percy and I love him to pieces. Even though sometimes he's a huge PITA. Can't figure out how to get him to stop chewing. I'm hoping it's a phase or we may have some SERIOUS issues soon. He's to much of a love bug. He wants attention from everyone. Which is where we run into problems. Like running into the street because he wants to play with the neighbor kids. He LOVES kids. He and little man are practically attached at the hip. The play together, cuddle, and love on each other. And Percy is amazing with littles too. Which is a huge relief. I was worried when we have a baby that Percy wouldn't take to well to the idea. But he did well with my baby niece who I can't say was very gentle.
And now.... on to the topic of babies. Oh how I yearn for a baby. Jumping from doc to doc was a nightmare. And right when I think I found the one.... it ended just as soon as it started. Thank you ex-husband. Oh well... just gotta keep pushing. The doctor I have now is very much "Lets get you pregnant and this is how we will do it" which is great. But it doesn't fix the issues that are preventing it.
My sister found out she has something called an MTHFR mutation. the C677T mutation. This apparently runs in families... which is a HUGE problem. The test itself can be very expensive. And the online test you can do, is equally as expensive. The doctors who treat such problems are naturopathic doctors. Which means they are ALSO expensive, just because they don't take insurance. Everything has to be out of pocket. Do I have this mutation, I don't know. My Dr told me to just assume I have it and adjust accordingly.
So... I bought myself some supplements.... Methylfolate. That crap is AMAZING. My life has been changed forever!. I have so much energy. I feel normal for the first time in forever. I'm no longer poisoning myself. I'm getting some nutrients my body so desperately needed. And if anyone wants some good videos to watch on Folic Acid they should watch "Folic Acid Is Affecting you Negatively" by Dr Ben Lynch on YouTube. It was a real eyeopener. Who knew that one little vitamin could do so much for your system. One little vitamin!
Since I started taking them I have had a huge increase in my mood, my energy. I'm actually getting things done around the house. My anxiety is pretty much gone. Oh... and I'm losing weight! So far... 13 lbs and all I have done is started taking vitamins that my body so desperately needed. I feel like a whole new person.
So far everything is lined up nicely for a fantastic 2017.
 |
| 11 stitches. Such a trooper |
I created a monster with him and Lego though. He will NOT stop obsessing about Lego. He's mostly into the Lego men. He loves Star Wars. His birthday this year was all Star Wars. He LOVED it. And it was the first birthday that I did 98% all by myself. I now know why Parent's do store bought cakes. There was SOOO much to do. The cake was no where near what I was wanting.
He's now into Minecraft which I love and hate at the same time. That's all he wants to do. But it gets him to eat his dinner 100%. Which is the important part right?
Also, speaking of store bought cakes. We did one for Baby Girl's birthday this year. I had my MIL help with decorations. My friends helped set up. Planning that one was way easier. I had family and friends helping with set up and everything. SO MUCH BETTER. Just kinda bummed that the cake was store bought. I much rather have homemade.
 |
| Baby Girl learning to play her new guitar |
But both their birthdays were amazing and fun. Their cousins from WA were able to make it to Little Man's and Baby Girl had friends come over with their cousins. It was a lot of fun for them.
My love switched jobs. That was a hard bullet to take but I'm the one who pulled the trigger on that one. He was just so stressed and it was such a heavy burden on both of us. He's re-enrolled in school, and now works security. Although he says he hates his job, I know he feels better being able to work. AND he gets paid weekly which is a HUGE help to us. Even though with the car getting paid off we aren't so financially strapped.
I also started working somewhere else which came with a huge pay increase! by at least 50%! And it was right after he originally stopped working. It was a GODSEND. Things literally just fell into place as we were needing things to. God does provide when we need it the most. I'm loving my job. It's so much less stressful. Aside from a couple coworkers that complain, the staff is amazing. I haven't been able to say I love my job in so long. Usually it's just a honeymoon phase and once everything fades it's like walking into hell from 10pm-6am. But not here. It's THAT amazing.
 |
| Percy with his little human |
And now.... on to the topic of babies. Oh how I yearn for a baby. Jumping from doc to doc was a nightmare. And right when I think I found the one.... it ended just as soon as it started. Thank you ex-husband. Oh well... just gotta keep pushing. The doctor I have now is very much "Lets get you pregnant and this is how we will do it" which is great. But it doesn't fix the issues that are preventing it.
My sister found out she has something called an MTHFR mutation. the C677T mutation. This apparently runs in families... which is a HUGE problem. The test itself can be very expensive. And the online test you can do, is equally as expensive. The doctors who treat such problems are naturopathic doctors. Which means they are ALSO expensive, just because they don't take insurance. Everything has to be out of pocket. Do I have this mutation, I don't know. My Dr told me to just assume I have it and adjust accordingly.
 |
| Kids with Santa Bob 2016 |
So... I bought myself some supplements.... Methylfolate. That crap is AMAZING. My life has been changed forever!. I have so much energy. I feel normal for the first time in forever. I'm no longer poisoning myself. I'm getting some nutrients my body so desperately needed. And if anyone wants some good videos to watch on Folic Acid they should watch "Folic Acid Is Affecting you Negatively" by Dr Ben Lynch on YouTube. It was a real eyeopener. Who knew that one little vitamin could do so much for your system. One little vitamin!
Since I started taking them I have had a huge increase in my mood, my energy. I'm actually getting things done around the house. My anxiety is pretty much gone. Oh... and I'm losing weight! So far... 13 lbs and all I have done is started taking vitamins that my body so desperately needed. I feel like a whole new person.
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
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