Wednesday, September 19, 2018
Sunday, September 2, 2018
Life is so busy
I keep telling myself that I'm GOING to write a blog post. Pretty much every time I think that, I don't. My life is the most chaotic it has been in a long time. I'm as busy as can be, and I hardly get sleep. But such is life, and I'm sure that it will die down here soon... eventually... maybe.
I took a leap of faith almost 3 years ago. My husband was depressed, struggling, and our marriage was suffering. He was the main bread winner. Financially we were set. Didn't have a care in the world because the bills got paid, we had money for dates, but unfortunately rarely went on them.
One day Adam came home, we got into a fight. I told him we would talk in the morning when everything calmed down. I thought it all over, and in the morning, I told him to quit his job. Our financial security got tossed to the wayside because my marriage is most important to me.
So here we are, no money in savings. I didn't even make enough to cover our bills. Yet I took that plunge. About a week after his last day, I had an interview for an actual CNA job. That's when my faith in God paid off. I wasn't even home from the interview when they were calling me and offering me a job. The greatest part is it was just enough to live off of. I could cover the bills, and feed our family. Thank you Jesus!
Little did I know, this would still be the beginning of our struggles. My husband suffers from what we NOW know is Generalized Anxiety Disorder. We originally thought it was PTSD from being in the military, but after SEVERAL VA appointments we got a better diagnosis.
He has had problems since we were dating, and I knew it. Just a month after we officially met, he "disappeared" which raised a lot of questions for me. That's when the PTSD, anxiety, depression stuff started to come out. I still love him, with all his flaws. I decided to stick with him anyways. Our relationship continued to be rocky the entire time we were dating. It wasn't till we were living together that it smoothed out.
Living with this has been hard. It runs our lives. It's no longer "I have to go to the store" Its now "Will he be OK alone?" or "How will this event trigger him?" He refused to get help for the longest time. Until May 2017 when I finally had enough. I hit my breaking point. I started packing his stuff up, and while I was at a meeting at work, he came and got the rest of his stuff. I told him that he couldn't come back till he agreed to get help. That lasted 3 days. But he didn't get help right away.
It wasn't till a month later that he went to his first VA appointment and took the steps to get better. I kind of expected it to take a while since it is the VA after all. I've dealt with them enough times to know better than expect it to go fast. Which I hate. I like to be in control and I hate the unknown. God has really been testing me through all of this.
By the beginning of July 2017, Adam had not only quit his job he was also dropping out of school. We were back to barely scraping by. During a med check up (long overdue and required constant nagging from me to go back) he broke down and told a psych tech that if it weren't for me, he would have tried to kill himself again. My heart sank. I was really hoping he was going to get better.
They set him up with a few new faces. A therapist that I absolutely loathed. And a Psychiatrist for better meds. The only good thing that came from that stupid therapist's appointments was she encouraged him to apply for his disability to be re-evaluated. He was only rated at 10% which isn't much for someone who doesn't shower most days unless reminded.
It's been a whirlwind, but the increase was approved. He's now at 100% and I was able to quit my job. Just in time too. I was just so stressed there. Now I just sell Scentsy and work my business around my schedule. I babysit, and I take Adam to appointments several times a month. Then opportunity knocked on the door.
I'm now starting my third week of school. I always dreamt of what it would be like going back to school. I never really thought I would do it though. But here I am... slaving away. I've learned quite a bit. Like... There is apparently a format for papers called APA.... I don't like it. Journal articles are boring. Learned A LOT about hydrogen bonds. That's actually quite interesting. I'd have to say right now my favorite classes are surprising Biology and my CWID class (it's something that's required by my school)
The professors are really nice. I was actually able to text one of them for a simple question. That's not something you were able to do at BSU. A community college is so SO much nicer than I thought. I'm so happy I decided to do this instead of trying to get back into BSU. It's doing a number on my gas tank since it's a 20 minute drive 3 times a week, but whatever.
One of my best friends is going through the nursing program right now. That's what I plan on doing but I have to get all the requirements just to apply out of the way first. I have everything together to study for my TEAS test. My degree plan is MADE... I'm looking so forward to getting this all done. For now, I'm a book worm. Studying hard and trying my damnedest to get good grades.
I'll try harder to keep this updated. Maybe this will be my mini sanctuary from school.
I took a leap of faith almost 3 years ago. My husband was depressed, struggling, and our marriage was suffering. He was the main bread winner. Financially we were set. Didn't have a care in the world because the bills got paid, we had money for dates, but unfortunately rarely went on them.
One day Adam came home, we got into a fight. I told him we would talk in the morning when everything calmed down. I thought it all over, and in the morning, I told him to quit his job. Our financial security got tossed to the wayside because my marriage is most important to me.
So here we are, no money in savings. I didn't even make enough to cover our bills. Yet I took that plunge. About a week after his last day, I had an interview for an actual CNA job. That's when my faith in God paid off. I wasn't even home from the interview when they were calling me and offering me a job. The greatest part is it was just enough to live off of. I could cover the bills, and feed our family. Thank you Jesus!
Little did I know, this would still be the beginning of our struggles. My husband suffers from what we NOW know is Generalized Anxiety Disorder. We originally thought it was PTSD from being in the military, but after SEVERAL VA appointments we got a better diagnosis.
He has had problems since we were dating, and I knew it. Just a month after we officially met, he "disappeared" which raised a lot of questions for me. That's when the PTSD, anxiety, depression stuff started to come out. I still love him, with all his flaws. I decided to stick with him anyways. Our relationship continued to be rocky the entire time we were dating. It wasn't till we were living together that it smoothed out.
Living with this has been hard. It runs our lives. It's no longer "I have to go to the store" Its now "Will he be OK alone?" or "How will this event trigger him?" He refused to get help for the longest time. Until May 2017 when I finally had enough. I hit my breaking point. I started packing his stuff up, and while I was at a meeting at work, he came and got the rest of his stuff. I told him that he couldn't come back till he agreed to get help. That lasted 3 days. But he didn't get help right away.
It wasn't till a month later that he went to his first VA appointment and took the steps to get better. I kind of expected it to take a while since it is the VA after all. I've dealt with them enough times to know better than expect it to go fast. Which I hate. I like to be in control and I hate the unknown. God has really been testing me through all of this.
By the beginning of July 2017, Adam had not only quit his job he was also dropping out of school. We were back to barely scraping by. During a med check up (long overdue and required constant nagging from me to go back) he broke down and told a psych tech that if it weren't for me, he would have tried to kill himself again. My heart sank. I was really hoping he was going to get better.
They set him up with a few new faces. A therapist that I absolutely loathed. And a Psychiatrist for better meds. The only good thing that came from that stupid therapist's appointments was she encouraged him to apply for his disability to be re-evaluated. He was only rated at 10% which isn't much for someone who doesn't shower most days unless reminded.
It's been a whirlwind, but the increase was approved. He's now at 100% and I was able to quit my job. Just in time too. I was just so stressed there. Now I just sell Scentsy and work my business around my schedule. I babysit, and I take Adam to appointments several times a month. Then opportunity knocked on the door.
I'm now starting my third week of school. I always dreamt of what it would be like going back to school. I never really thought I would do it though. But here I am... slaving away. I've learned quite a bit. Like... There is apparently a format for papers called APA.... I don't like it. Journal articles are boring. Learned A LOT about hydrogen bonds. That's actually quite interesting. I'd have to say right now my favorite classes are surprising Biology and my CWID class (it's something that's required by my school)
The professors are really nice. I was actually able to text one of them for a simple question. That's not something you were able to do at BSU. A community college is so SO much nicer than I thought. I'm so happy I decided to do this instead of trying to get back into BSU. It's doing a number on my gas tank since it's a 20 minute drive 3 times a week, but whatever.
One of my best friends is going through the nursing program right now. That's what I plan on doing but I have to get all the requirements just to apply out of the way first. I have everything together to study for my TEAS test. My degree plan is MADE... I'm looking so forward to getting this all done. For now, I'm a book worm. Studying hard and trying my damnedest to get good grades.
I'll try harder to keep this updated. Maybe this will be my mini sanctuary from school.
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